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About Richard Beard
I figured out the software by translating a very short book by Andre Maurois, now available under the Translation tag above. This means I can move on to whatever else is on my mind. If I run out of ideas, the next pre-computer age blog I plan to translate is another very short book, this one by Henry Miller, also in French, entitled I’m No More of an Idiot Than Anybody Else.
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I have a piece in the Feb 2012 issue of Prospect magazine, on squash. Here’s one I did last year, on wrestling (August 2011):
By the end of this July’s ‘second chance sale’, over three and a half million tickets had been sold for the 26 sports making up the London 2012 Olympics. There were seats unsold for football and volleyball, but the only individual discipline with tickets left over was freestyle wrestling. In the competition for least-loved Olympic sport in Britain, freestyle wrestling was the winner.
What is it, exactly, that no-one is in a rush to see? Freestyle wrestling differs from all-male Greco-Roman wrestling (sold-out) in three ways. Holds below the waist are allowed, the legs may be used in both attack and defense, and since 2004 the sport has included four weight-categories for women.
Not enough, it would seem, for a nation of discerning sports-fans, even though the highlights play well to rock music. The crisis moment of a freestyle bout is a flurry of explosive athleticism, bodies driven hard into the ground and wrestlers in barely credible contortions, legs awry and ears cauliflowered to the mats.
In 3000 years the objective of a wrestling contest has barely changed – to overpower and gain total control over an opponent. This can take a while. A bout at the 1912 Olympics lasted eleven hours and forty minutes, which led to the introduction of a points-scoring system. Points require rules: wrestling would never be so simple again.
At London 2012 the freestyle wrestlers will grapple on a circular area nine meters in diameter for three two minute sessions in a best-of-three contest. If a session ends in a draw, there is a thirty-second tie-break mechanism called The Clinch. The attacking wrestler locks his arms around one of the defender’s legs and has thirty seconds to make a decisive move. This is more complicated than it looks.
The Clinch was not a feature of wrestling as first recorded at the Olympic games of 708 BC. This was a direct hand-to-hand contest to discover the fortius in the Olympic refrain of Citius Altius Fortius (Faster Higher Stronger). It soon became evident that in wrestling ‘stronger’ requires brain in addition to brawn, strategy before a fall. The philosopher Plato (meaning ‘broad’) was a keen wrestler, and his name may have been decided by his wrestling coach.
As a sales angle, the cerebral side of wrestling doesn’t appear to have worked. The chief executive of the British Wrestling Association, Colin Nicholson, calls freestyle wrestling ‘combat chess’, and while the combat can be astonishing the chess is a problem. The technical manoeuvring for a hold or a takedown registers in minor shifts of balance and leverage, almost imperceptible to the casual spectator. The psychological battleground, so vivid to the competitor, is masked by stoicism and concentration.
Olympic wrestling must also contend with the shadow of what it is not. The razzamatised World Wrestling Entertainment organization pushes televised wrestling as pure ‘sports entertainment’. By comparison, Olympic wrestling can seem like fighting with the entertainment taken out. Nicholson would like to change this perception.
‘We’ll have at least three wrestlers involved in London 2012 because of the wildcard entries for the host nation. Unfortunately, for each wrestler we qualify by right we lose one of those places, but our objective is at least one top-eight finish.’
Televised wrestling has always understood the importance of personalities. At London 2012 the British wrestler to watch is Ukrainian-born Yana Stadnik, a 48 kg silver medalist at the 2010 European Championships. For the men, Britain’s top freestyle hope is Bristol’s 96 kg fighter Leon Rattigan.
Olympic success can revive an obscure sport – curling is the most obvious recent example. The next best shortcut is to get a sport into schools. All sports administrators know this, but wrestling has the advantage of needing little or no equipment. It is more controlled than boxing but can claim similar benefits as a self-help sport – encouraging self-control, self-confidence, self-esteem. The British Wrestling Association can plausibly claim that wrestling leads to ‘greater physical development’ (muscles! – wrestlers are ripped), ‘flexibility, strength, balance, co-ordination and razor-sharp reactions’.
If Olympic medals and school sportsdays remain a distant ambition, the fate of wrestling is more likely to be influenced by immigration. The arrival of fighters from Eastern Europe, a stronghold of world wrestling, can provide a solid base for future British participation and success. The Olympic pot currently pays for wrestling’s full-time chief executive, an administrator and a national coach. Five wrestlers have received funding. The brooms will be out after London 2012, but there is hope for spending rounds to come – wrestling will also feature at the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games.
Between now and next August the wrestlers will be working hard at the British Wrestling Academy, a low-roofed single-storey gym in Salford (bookable for events). By then, the last seats at the Excel centre will surely have been sold, as this is a rare chance in Britain to see the world’s best compete at one of the original Olympic sports. Wrestling may not have fared well in the ticketing ballot, but it is a sporting truth that someone has to come last. Otherwise there would be no winners.
On 10 December I’m flying East to give some lectures at The University of Tokyo. After the general anaesthetic, the long-haul flight – two treats in two months. The anaesthetic and the plane fall into the same category of relaxation. While I’m unconscious or flying, I’m not supposed to be doing anything else. Or probably I am, but there’s not much anyone can do about it right now. Especially not me. So relax, lie back, you won’t feel a thing.
Imagine being an astronaut. Everyone would understand when you didn’t pick up the phone.
I don’t know whether it says this on the poster, but if in Tokyo feel free to come along.
From The Independent Book of a Lifetime
In 1985 I bought a 30p second-hand paperback because I liked the title: The Demolished Man, by Alfred Bester. This fits into a rare category of novel – short science-fiction – and I read it during my first two days as a student. University promised friends, drinks, adventures, but I preferred life on Mars. On the third day, I read it again.
Since then, for me, The Demolished Man has become a comfort book. All writers should have them. Instead of reading for research, or reading to steal, there are books that recalibrate the original, childish joy of reading to escape. This in turn reignites the urge to write and, for me, The Demolished Man is one of those books. Geoffrey Household’s Rogue Male (1939) is another.
Both these short novels are full of vigorous action. The Demolished Man (winner of the inaugural Hugo award on publication in 1953) is an American cop novel set in the future, a genre combination later exploited by Philip K. Dick and William Gibson. For Bester, familiar police procedures are given an original edge because the investigating cop, Lincoln Powell PH.D 1, is a first grade ESPER.
‘Esper for Extra Sensory Perception … for Telepaths, Mind Readers, Brain Peepers.’ He knows and the reader knows right from the start whodunit. It was Ben Reich, evil industrialist (an ever contemporary touch) who lives by the flawed motto – `Be audacious, be brave, be confident and you will not fail.’
Powell’s challenge in the book is to trick the murderer into revealing his method and motives, because not everybody in the future can read minds. Reich himself, for example, attempts to outwit Powell by filling his head with a popular song and acting before he thinks. In this way the ripping pace of the book becomes part of what it’s about.
Each time I re-read the novel I’m impressed by the formal daring. Bester experiments with fonts and layouts to convey different types of unspoken thought, and his prescient characters include Sam @tkins, Jo ¼maine and the very sexy Miss Duffy Wyg&.
Not all his future projections have worn so well. Reich’s motives are stiffly dependent on Freudian theory, but most glaringly Bester fails to predict any type of feminism. The words girl and pretty always come as a pair.
My edition is the 1966 Penguin with the ugly Halloween cover and a glut of hard-boiled typos, and I doubt it will survive many more readings. If anything, the story itself gets younger – I’m now older than the characters, who in their late thirties once seemed impossibly experienced in the ways of the future world.
And however many times I re-read The Demolished Man, I never tire of the ending: ‘There has been joy. There will be joy again.’ Yes, I think. That must be so. It is 1985 and time to go out.
 Sorry, but boo.
This was the Rugby World Cup that was going to extend rugby’s horizon. The game would show a surprising new face in unfamiliar surroundings to hundreds of thousands of potential start-up fans and players. Then the IRB decided to give RWC 2011 to New Zealand, and not Japan. This was a gift not just of the Cup, but of the cup too. Not even the flakey All Blacks could fail to win the Webb Ellis trophy with home advantage, though they tried their best, offering at the last a glimmer of hope to anyone who loves the game.
That hope was extinguished. The All Blacks held on for their win that had been ordained since the IRB decision in 2006. There were no surprises. The All Blacks win their first World Cup since 1987, thus bringing to an end the narrative spice that has made the first 24 years of the Rugby World Cup such a success: the All Blacks will be the best team and they will not win. Think how rugby would have closed in on itself if New Zealand had triumphed each time they assembled the best team in the tournament: 1995, 1999, 2003, 2007. Only New Zealanders have shed a tear over their team’s failure to kill the sport stone dead.
Now that they’ve managed to win again, albeit at home by one point to a limited French side, the rugby world should stop the toxic mixture of pity and cowering that has characterised the IRB relationship to the All Blacks. New Zealand rugby administrators have played a smart game ever since they politically outmanouevred the Japanese in the bidding for RWC 2011. In their black jackets and black ties they work both sides: as a small nation with limited revenue New Zealand needs special dispensations before the World Cup becomes too big for their limited infrastructure. They spin a story which says poor little New Zealand.
Conveniently, this obscures the fact that in rugby terms New Zealand is a superpower, and not averse to bullying those with less political rugby muscle. Witness their bleating in the middle of this World Cup that they might not have enough money to attend the next one. Here was the classic double-play – ‘poor us’ immediately followed by an implied threat. Do what we want or we won’t be coming.
Let’s hope that the All Black administration can now put aside its self-pity, and see that rugby has interests outside the land of the long white cloud. Their bullying, whining insistence (yes, both at the same time – not pretty) that this World Cup be held in New Zealand has set back the ambitions of the game by at least eight years. However great a success this tournament might have been inside New Zealand, from outside it has been a drag. The story ended exactly as predicted. Each time an intriguing narrative threatened to make the tournament interesting, it was snuffed out by conservative play or incomprehensible refereeing.
Well done New Zealand. We no longer pity you. I hope that means we can stop indulging the caprice of your unhelpful rugby politics.
In boxing, the first and simplest of the combat sports to get itself organised, the referee from the earliest days brought the fighters’ gloves together and said: ‘May the best man win.’ There is an acknowledgement in this saying, a sporting dread, that the best man will not always win. The best man sometimes loses. This creates a visceral sense of injustice – sport needs to be fairer than this.
The injustice of cheating can be stopped. That’s why rules are invented and evolve. Then there’s the referee himself. In Wales 8 France 9, the semi-final of the Rugby World Cup, in one of the least simple of combat sports, the referee created a situation in which the best team was most unlikely to win. And they didn’t. But only just, which goes to show by quite how much they were the better team on the pitch.
I love French rugby, everyone knows that, but France shouldn’t be in the World Cup Final. What’s disappointing about Alain Rolland’s decision is that it extracted the heart from the game. He ignored what he knew about the human beings in front of him.
There are vicious idiots in the game of rugby, who aim to injure with malicious intent. They tend not to thrive, and such a brutal sport could never prosper without good faith. Roland would have talked to the captains before the match. He knew who he was dealing with, and there’s no evidence that Warburton (or Dusattoir, for that matter) aren’t the self-effacing heros they appear to be from the outside looking in.
Stop, Alain, think. Warburton is not a vicious idiot (he’s not Jamie Joseph). Clerc is very small. He tips easily. But there was no stopping and no thinking. The best team lost, and this decision didn’t only ruin the semi-final, it ruins the final as well. Everyone wants to see the two best teams in the tournament contest the prize match at the very end. That’s not going to happen – and even if neutral fans can muster some excitement, there’s always the fear that the officials may well ruin the day again.
My heart aches for Wales, and for Warburton. The injustice, his life-changing opportunity cut short, the hollowing of Wales. These are not the feelings that sport at its best is supposed to provoke, when justice is done and the best man wins. This was the opposite, the best man losing, the worst-case eventuality feared from the beginning of organised sport and that we still haven’t managed to eradicate. Human beings are useless.
Except the valiant Wales 14, who were magnificent. Unfortunately, this makes the unfairness even greater. This is a why-oh-why moment, with god absent from his heaven. It’s a day when it feels like there were better things to do, in a universe that ought to reward its champions.
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About Me
About Richard Beard
I'm a novelist and non-fiction writer, and Director of The National Academy of Writing in London. As time goes by I'm gradually transferring the material from the old site (stories, articles, squibs) into the categories tabbed above. There's information on each of my books, with summaries and reviews, and now that I'm permanently back in the country I'm available for events and readings. Email me using Contact, below. I'll get back to you.
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